New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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