haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
