go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
