if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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