drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
