They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
