I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
