Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
