So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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