I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
