You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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