and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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