I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
