Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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