Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize