My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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