Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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