omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
