Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize