I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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