All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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