Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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