Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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