Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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