Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize