4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate your face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
