i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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