The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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