I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
