yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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