I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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