I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
