all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
