I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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