God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize