y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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