just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
