you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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