FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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