K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
