HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
