those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
