I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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