i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
