I just saw a hot homeless man
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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