What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
