But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
