So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
