"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
