i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
