Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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