he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
