So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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