I can feel you judging me through the phone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
