The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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