Got a toothbrush?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm having to shit out rocks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
