you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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