me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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