Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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