Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
