1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
