I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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