Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
