I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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