So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
