Farmville is her only friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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