a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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