So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this will be a night to untag.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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