you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
