Only a mothe r could love this liver
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
