Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
