Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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