youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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