Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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