You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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