your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
