Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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