Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
