Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
